The Santana Lopez Birthday Party Train Wreck Extravaganza
by your-street-serenade
Summary: Five years after the events of The Brittany Pierce Birthday Party Extravaganza the glee girls reunite to celebrate Santana's big 3-0.


''So have you given any thought to how you want to celebrate your big 3-0?''

''Not really. I don't think I want to do anything special this year, Britt.''

Santana and Brittany were undressing together in their large and lavish walk in closet. They had just returned home from a huge glitzy industry party and were peeling off their clothes and accessories.

It was very much a process. Public appearances were a part of their job and lifestyle since they worked in the entertainment industry but a lot of those parties and events also felt like a performance in themselves. One where they had to be ON for the cameras and reporters. It came with the territory and sometimes they could be fun and entertaining but for the most part they were usually very tedious. Shaking the same hands, meeting the same producers, posing for the same media outlets, answering the same questions from the same reporters. By the end of the evening they were both ready to unwind.

The subject of Santana's upcoming birthday came up as they began to undress.

It was only a month away and it landed in between album cycles for Santana so she didn't have anything on her schedule and very well could indulge and arrange an elaborate bash at a club or bar of her choosing. But this year Santana wasn't very interested and enthused about her big day.

''I mean we've been working so much lately,'' Santana continued as she stood in the middle of the room at the island that was outfitted with drawers and display cases for their valuables. She pulled off her earrings and set them down in a tray as she spoke. ''Now that I'm done with my tour and actually have some down time I want to take it easy for the next few months. I don't want a huge party where I have to play nice or put on an act for people. I'd rather make this next birthday of mine a quiet one.''

''Yeah?''

''Yeah.'' Santana slinked up behind Brittany and hugged her back as Brittany stood in front of a tall mirror. ''I say we have a nice night in just the two of us. Maybe a little birthday cake. Maybe a little wine. Maybe an orgasm or five.''

Brittany laughed and turned around in Santana's arms. ''But we could do that anytime. We're talking your big 3-0 here Santana. We should commemorate that.''

''Fuck 30,'' Santana laughed back. ''It's just a number and honestly, one I'm not too thrilled about.''

''Why? It's a milestone and one you should be proud of it, I am.''

''Yeah I'm not too keen to celebrate my ass getting old.''

''Whatever.'' Brittany ran her fingers through dark hair, marvelling at how soft and lush it felt between her fingertips. ''Age is a state of mind. You can be 30 or 40 or 50 and you will always be young and beautiful to me.''

''Yeah we'll just see if you're still singing the same tune when it's your turn to turn the big 3-0.''

''No, hey, listen to me. You're an amazing woman and an amazing wife and you deserve to celebrate entering a new decade of life, one that's going to be filled with adventure and accomplishments.''

''And I will celebrate it. I'll just celebrate it having a nice romantic dinner at home with you. I want to keep it simple, babe. No party, no presents, no fuss.''

''If you say so.''

They walked into their bedroom. Brittany watched Santana collapse on her side of the mattress and prop herself up against the headboard. Brittany followed and joined her, but wanting a little bit of attention however she turned to lay on her belly, situating herself so that her feet were near the pillows and her head was at the foot of the bed. She knew what she was doing of course, she was putting her best asset on display, fully aware that there was no way her wife would be able to resist.

She shivered when she felt Santana's hands graze the back of her legs, playfully and slowly dancing up until she felt Santana begin a thorough massage of her ass through her panties. Brittany hummed appreciatively and was tickled that Santana could apparently multi-task as she used her other free hand to pick up the TV remote and begin searching through menus.

''What do you feel like watching?'' Santana asked as she continued to absentmindedly rub Brittany's rear.

Brittany closed her eyes and simply enjoyed her wife's hand. ''I honestly don't care as long as you keep doing that.''

''Oh my favorite movie's on!'' Santana stopped scrolling and rubbing Brittany as she sat up alert.

Brittany groaned at the loss of touch but looked up at their flat screen to try to make sense of the opening credits playing out in front of her. ''What is this?''

''Uhh only the greatest movie ever. _Casino._''

Brittany threw a questioning look back at her wife. ''I don't think I've ever seen it.''

''Martin Scorsese. Robert DeNiro. Sharon Stone. Joe Pesci,'' Santana listed the cast and when Brittany showed no look of interest she carried on. ''Everyone says _Goodfellas_ is the superior Scorsese flick but to me it's _Casino._ Mafia. Murder. Las Vegas.''

Brittany wasn't too interested in the subject matter but it seemed to really excite Santana. ''If you say it's good we can watch it.''

''Oh man, you gotta see this iconic scene where someone gets stabbed in the neck with a pen - it really is a cinematic masterpiece,'' Santana waxed on fondly as she punched the remote, turning the volume up.

Brittany squinted a little at how a movie about the mob could evoke such a warm response from Santana but she shrugged it off. As they watched it though Brittany began to get the sense that Santana liked the flick because she still, even after all these years, fancied herself as a dark and dangerous badass. A bad girl. A _gansta._ Of course her ridiculous wife would enjoy a movie about the wild lives of mobsters in Las Vegas. It was cool, it was sexy, it was so Santana.

And that's when Brittany had her brilliant idea.

All of the scenes that took place on the strip, under bright lights and around famous casinos made Brittany think that perhaps what Santana needed for her birthday wasn't a quiet night in nor an extravagant bash at a club but rather a weekend where she could blow off some steam.

Santana had been working really hard. She had made a successful album, ran herself ragged promoting and touring it and Brittany could definitely tell her wife had exhausted herself. There would be room for rest and unwinding but Brittany knew Santana and sometimes Santana needed to work things out of her system in her own way.

And what better place to let loose than Las Vegas. Sin City.

Although it had been quite a few years since Brittany had never forgotten all of the thought and consideration Santana had put into Brittany's 25th birthday bash. Sure there was that whole getting trapped on a giant floating unicorn part of it all but that was beside the point. Santana had designed a birthday weekend that had felt so very uniquely Brittany, Santana had given her sand and relaxation and a giant unicorn float.

Brittany knew that whatever she planned for Santana's big 3-0 now had to feel uniquely Santana.

It was a milestone and she wanted to give her wife a birthday she would never ever forget. Her wife would never be a badass gangsta of course but she imagined Santana would love a weekend in the desert pretending like she was one, balling it up and reeking havoc on the strip, tossing money at poker games and strippers.

Now she was sure the two of them could do it up just fine on their own, but 30 was a big deal in Brittany's eyes. She thought it would be more memorable and more meaningful for her wife if she was surrounded by her nearest and dearest which meant she should probably float some invitations to a select few friends.

Yes, this plan was perfectly Santana. Brittany smiled as she watched her wife watch the movie.

_The glee girls were going to Vegas._

X

''What the fuck are you bitches doing here?''

It was one month later and this was how Santana chose to greet Tina, Quinn, Mercedes and Sugar. They were standing with their bags at an airplane hanger preparing to board the private jet Brittany had arranged for them.

Weeks before Santana had told Brittany she wanted to keep it lowkey for her birthday but when her b-day weekend finally arrived Brittany had woken her up with breakfast in bed and announced she had a special treat for her birthday girl. Santana had eyed the packed luggage by the bedroom doorway and knew immediately that Brittany's surprise involved whisking her away somewhere.

To where, Santana wasn't sure, but in the end she couldn't resist saying yes to her wife's eager smile. With a little reluctance as well as a little curiosity, Santana let Brittany take charge and lead the way. She had driven them out to the hanger where they came face to face with a few old friends.

''They're our guests, Santana,'' Brittany said as she pulled their luggage out of the trunk of their vehicle. ''It's your birthday weekend. What fun would it be if I didn't invite your oldest friends?''

Santana made some snotty noise under her breath. She sorta kinda maybe loved those bitches but like hell would she ever openly admit that to their faces.

''Whatever,'' Santana sighed monotonously as she eyed the group. ''Alls I know is you all best have bought me fancy ass birthday presents this weekend. If it ain't bling I aint want it.''

''It's nice to see you too Santana,'' Quinn said dryly and with a shake of her head at Santana's ridiculous yet charming hood talk.

''My birthday gift to you isn't bling but it is illegal,'' Sugar informed Santana in a rather proud manner as she slid some obnoxiously large sunglasses onto her face.

''Illegal aye? I'm intrigued Motta,'' Santana said.

Sugar looked pleased with herself, having always had a little bit of hero worship for Santana. ''I won't spoil what it is just yet but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Thanks to my daddy - who's totally NOT in the mob - I have some connections.''

A few feet away Tina warned the slightly younger woman. ''Well whatever you have up your sleeve, Sugar, let's just try to avoid any incidents like last time, alright?''

''Yeah,'' Mercedes piped up in agreement. ''I have flashbacks any time I see a unicorn now thanks to you.''

Sugar smiled but shrugged their remarks off. ''Don't worry. I didn't come with any tricks up my sleeve or agenda here, guys, I'm just tagging along for the same reasons as you: to wish Santana a happy 3-0.''

''Right.'' Santana turned to examine the private plane waiting for them nearby. ''Now do I get any hints before I get on the plane? Where exactly are we going?''

''I'm gonna let Brittany answer that one for you'' Mercedes said walking past her and up the flight of stairs to board the aircraft. The others toddled along after her, pulling their bags up as they went.

Santana looked back to her wife and raised a questioning brow.

''Okay,'' Brittany started, figuring it was time to spill the beans. ''I know you said you didn't want to make a big deal out of your birthday this year but I still wanted to at least take you somewhere to celebrate. So I got inspired by your favorite movie and thought what better place for you to get your jollies out than in Sin City.''

''Wait, Vegas?'' Santana's eyes lit up at the suggestion. ''For real?''

''Well the last time you planned a huge birthday bash for me you took me to the beach and let me play in the sand and water and you totally made me come like five times in that unicorn float because you knew that was what my version of a relaxing weekend would be. For your 30th I decided to plan a weekend that would be relaxing _to you_.''

''Yeah?'' Santana asked, tickled.

''There's no secluded beach house or sandy shores but there will be bright lights, gambling, showgirls, perhaps even a little corruption and depravity, I mean it is _your_ birthday after all.''

''Stop. You're gonna make me cry.'' Santana yanked Brittany towards her and planted a kiss of gratitude on her lips. ''Are you serious? A weekend in Las Vegas?''

''Totally serious. That is if you want it. I'm giving you permission for the next few days to do whatever your naughty little heart desires.''

''You are the best wife ever, you know that right?''

''Pretty much yeah.''

Soon everyone was on board and buckled in. It was indeed a small but luxurious plane with lush seating, a small bar area and even a single attendant whose job it was to accommodate them once they were clear to move around freely. Once they were in the air and drinks began to be served the group fell into their old rhythms with one another. They lounged and laughed over the mimosas as they finally caught up with one another.

After Brittany's beach house birthday bash years ago they had as a group continued to keep in touch as best they could. Every so often a few of them would get to spend time together, on occasion Mercedes and Tina would find themselves on the same red carpet or Brittany and Sugar would be at the same album launch, working in entertainment as much as they did their paths crossed and when they did they would always make the most of it. There were several mini reunions through the years but there was always someone who couldn't make it because of a tour or a shoot or some such. It had been five long years since the six of them had that little adventure on a unicorn and yet, it was like no time had passed now that they were once again face to face.

They were all a little more confident, a little more at home in the bodies and relationships and careers.

Mercedes had found success quite early on in her career and thus, she had a taste of the spotlight and while she had made much of it, she had recently decided to put a few projects on the back burner, only taking on a select few at a time as she focused on her family. She and Sam had taken the plunge and exchanged vows and a couple years after that they had found themselves expecting. It was a big deal, Mercedes and Sam having the first official glee baby. The two had settled into the family life with ease. It was something they both very much wanted, though that wasn't to say it was always easy.

''I don't know about you girls but I definitely needed this weekend,'' Mercedes admitted as she leaned back into her seat, relishing the comfort.

''That's right,'' Tina said with a nod and a raise of her glass.''Santana may be the first one of us to turn the big 3-0 but you were the first mommy.''

''Chasing a two year old around is hard work and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world,'' Mercedes began, ''but I'm long overdue for a little me time with my glee girls.''

Sugar let out a happy squeal and reached over to tap Mercedes' leg. ''Speaking of, how is the little one?''

''Precocious,'' Mercedes answered. ''He and Sam have been sending me Snapchats every few hours. When I told Sam about the trip he was all for me doing my thing while he and our little Carter have a boys weekend.'' Mercedes lifted her phone and turned the screen outwards so they could take a peek at the adorable clip of Sam and their young toddler son hamming it up for the camera. They all made gushing noises when Sam instructed their son to 'blow a kiss to mommy' which the tyke did with enthusiasm, sending one to his mother with a loud and angelic 'myah!'.

''Too cute,'' Tina sighed.

''He's a sweetie,'' Quinn added. ''But I'm with you on that. I mean, not about the kid stuff of course but when Brittany brought up this glee girls venture to Vegas idea of hers I was relieved. I've been so overwhelmed. I just wrapped on this new Wes Anderson film and I needed to get away from the press and these constant rumors about my sexuality...''

Quinn, who unlike the others, had a slightly slow start in finding her footing in the industry had recently come into her own within the past few years.

It was during Brittany's 25th birthday bash weekend that Santana had given her some advice. Santana had suggested that Quinn lean into it and perhaps embrace a few sapphic roles to gain herself a little lady loving following. Santana had slyly insisted that if she embraced the lesbians and endeared herself to an audience thirsty for representation Quinn would find a niche and a dedicated fanbase. And the strangest thing was, Santana had been right. A few choice roles had cemented her role as an ally to ladies who loved ladies and after awhile it just became a thing: Quinn was suddenly Hollywood's go to when they needed someone to play some beautiful yet tragic lesbian in their movie. In fact Quinn's portrayals were so well received that after several films many began to speculate about Quinn's own orientation. Gossip rags and blind items began to pop up online hinting that perhaps Quinn, with her ultra chilly and aloof exterior, was more than an ally.

Quinn's diehard fangirls insisted there was something to the rumors, after all Quinn was never linked to any famous male suitors and she did often surround herself with contemporary starlets whom she would be photographed with, taking lunch and attending Coachella alongside. Quinn had also made some rather suspect remarks in the press that made people side eye her 'straightness'.

Of course it wasn't until recently that things had escalated when during a Live Q&A session with her Sugar Cookies, Sugar had flapped her mouth and through a series of tangents revealed that once upon a time back in the day Quinn and Santana had a ''night of passion''. This of course sent the internet ablaze with fangirls and gossip blogs declaring that it only solidified their suspicions. Quinn had issued a public statement, rebutting the rumors fervently but the press didn't seem to buy it at all. In fact they viewed Quinn's response to the rumors as even more proof. The general consensus was that Quinn was simply protesting _too much_.

''I imagine you would,'' Tina tutted in Quinn's direction. ''I've been seeing your face in the tabloids a lot lately now that you've become a _lesbian icon_. Although I wonder if you jet setting off with five women for a weekend in Sin city is going to help your 'straight' public profile.''

Quinn flapped a hand at her side dismissively. ''The press can think whatever it wants to think, I'm tired of playing their game. So I play lesbian characters, so my best friend is a lesbian, so paparazzi have caught me holding hands with Kristen Stewart, so I attend Jodie Foster's annual clambake every year, so I once said in an interview that I read a lot of lesbian literature, so I changed my Ryan Seacrest tattoo into a tat of Ellen Degeneres - that doesn't make me a lesbian. I am merely a _lesbian supporter_.''

Tina, Mercedes and Sugar exchanged silent but loaded glances between each other. For someone who wasn't a lesbian Quinn sure did a lot of lesbian things.

''And I would hardly call my one night with Santana a 'night of passion','' Quinn carried on, frowning at the memory. ''She kept telling me to shut up, and when she wasn't telling me to shut up she called me Brittany like four different times.''

''Gross,'' Sugar fake gagged.

''Who cares if people think you're gay,'' Tina said, shifting the subject towards her own life. ''At least people don't think you're pathetic. Everyone seems to see me as some desperate sad sack nowadays.''

As if in unison the girls tilted their head in pity. Tina had been having a rough go of it in the press recently.

She and her actor boyfriend had called it quits not too long ago. The split itself had been amicable and they had even agreed to remain friends afterward. It probably wouldn't have gotten much attention or even been that awkward except for the fact that it had happened during the filming of a movie in which they were both playing leads. To make matters even more messy, they were forced to sit through countless clunky interviews during the press junket cycle after the fact. The subject would inevitably turn to their personal relationship and they would both squirm when questioned, though it seemed her ex wasn't as bothered about it as Tina seeing as how he had rebounded almost immediately with some flaky model type. Tina was a bit irritated that he could bounce back into the dating world so easily and felt no need to mourn what they once had.

The film flopped which Tina was fine with because she was ready to forget her costar ex and that entire experience behind. Unfortunately her string of misses continued with her next film be panned by critics and audiences alike. Her next two features suffered similar fates of disappointed audiences and box office numbers.

Tina had found herself in a professional and personal slump, and it was not pretty.

For several weeks paps snapped hilarious yet incredibly unflattering photos of her. It wasn't quite a Britney Spears-level breakdown but it was close. It was hard to maintain dignity in the public eye when paps snapped pics of her sitting in her car eating gas station food in the middle of the night or showing up to an awards ceremony looking like a washed out zombie. Her lowest point had been during a three day bender in which she consumed nothing but ice cream and five hour energy drinks, in her sugar buzzed brain she had decided to go on Instagram Live. She didn't rant or rave though instead she just sat in front of the camera in total silence, eating and crying simultaneously.

The video was captured and went viral and if Tina's personal and professional life hadn't become a joke before, it was now.

Her life wasn't ruined by any means but it did suck when the entirety of America had seen you blow snot bubbles while weeping into a slice of pizza. So when Brittany floated the idea that the glee girls take on Las Vegas for Santana's birthday Tina jumped at the opportunity in the hopes that a few days in a fun city could help her get her groove back and perhaps even find herself a nice muscley rebound.

''What do you girls think of taking in a Chippendales show?'' Tina asked, intrigued with the idea of a little adult entertainment in the form of half naked men.

Mercedes laughed inwardly. ''Yeah I don't know about that. I mean it is Santana's birthday and I highly doubt she'd be interested in scantily clad men dancing around.''

''Wait a second,'' Quinn interrupted, looking around and realizing Brittany and Santana had been missing for the greater part of their conversation. ''Where is Santana?''

''And Brittany for that matter?'' Sugar added.

It briefly gave them pause, after all they were in the air and it's not like the private plane was so huge that they could just vanish. Before any search party began however Santana and Brittany reappeared. Together they exited the toilet stall in the rear of the aircraft. Brittany quietly took a seat and began to sooth her very mussed hair while Santana remained standing, looking pleased and satisfied as she fiddled with the belt on her too tight jeans.

''What were you two doing back there?'' Tina asked.

''Nothing much,'' Santana said smugly. ''Brittany was just providing me with some _inflight service_ that's all.''

Everyone groaned in mock disgust.

''Santana and I have this little challenge between us this weekend,'' Brittany said, finishing up with her hair and getting her hands on her own inflight beverage.

Mercedes threw a hand up into the air and waved it around in an attempt to hush her friends. ''Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-I don't even want to know.''

This of course didn't deter them. ''Santana seems to think her birthday is the perfect opportunity to prove her stamina,'' Brittany elaborated all casual like.

''_How is that_?'' Quinn asked.

''In honor of my 30th birthday I bet Brittany I could have 30 orgasms this weekend,'' Santana declared with a wicked glint in her eyes.

''Whaaaat?'' Tina asked, her voice going up in pitch. ''That's gross and also impossible.''

''Uh for you mere mortals it is, but I'm a higher life form, you can't apply logic to Lopez, ladies. I've already had three today, two when Brittany woke me up with breakfast in bed, and one right now in the air, so I'm halfway done with my daily goal.''

Sugar pulled out her phone and did a quick calculation. ''Okay, just to be clear if I'm doing the math right and if this is a four day weekend we're talking about here, that means you have to have 7.5 orgasms a day.''

''There's no way you can pull that off, Santana,'' Quinn laughed.

''That's what I told her,'' Brittany jumped back in. ''I said 'baby, you're not 16 anymore, these are not the days where you were capable of a sex marathon and still had enough energy left over for a two hour Cheerio workout and glee rehearsal, you're older and there's nothing wrong with that' but she wouldn't hear of it. She insisted.''

''Wait. How are you even going to even tally up the .5 each day?'' Tina lifted her eyes upwards in thought as if she were trying to do a weird sex/math equation in her head.

''Wouldn't you like to know,'' Santana sassed. ''I don't get what the big deal is. I just want to prove to the world and to myself that I may be turning 30 but I am still as bitchin' and badass as I was when I was a teenager. To quote Cardi B, one of my close personal friends, _I am what you would call an emotional gangsta_. I can totally do 30 orgasms in 4 days. Psh! I used to do that in my sleep when I was younger.''

''Yeah when you were younger,'' Sugar said. ''Emphasis on the younger.''

''And you agreed to this?'' Quinn asked Brittany.

''Uh yeah I agreed,'' Brittany said as if was obvious. ''It's my wife's one birthday wish, also it's not really a bad deal on my end if you know what I mean.''

Mercedes closed her eyes and shook her head. ''I'm already regretting this trip. I came out here to relax and toast you on your birthday, Santana, not to be witness to any of your and Brittany's sexual exploits.''

''Calm down Wheezy,'' Santana said and reached forward to steal the drink resting in Quinn's hands. ''In between rounds there's going to be plenty for all of us to do. It's Sin City, there's gonna be tons of food, gambling and entertainment. Also I dunno about you girls but I plan to get my drink on this weekend.''

''I am all for boozing it up on this trip,'' Tina said, ready to let her hair as well as her inhibitions out.

''Oh most definitely,'' Quinn said in agreement.

''Word,'' Sugar said, snapping her fingers. _''Everybody have fun tonight, everybody wang chung tonight.''_

''What?'' Tina squeaked.

''Like the song,'' Sugar clarified.

''I don't know what the hell you're talking about but you know what, doesn't matter. We should toast to mark the occasion,'' said Mercedes as she sat up, grabbed a bottle of champagne and topped everyone's drink up. ''To the birthday girl of course and her wife and to a weekend we'll never forget.''

Everyone grinned and huddled in to clink glasses in celebration of what they hoped to be another memorable glee girls weekend.

''Let's fuck Vegas up,'' Santana said, eager to begin the festivities.

X

**In honor of my birthday I decided to post a little something :) **

**Also, Casino is actually my favorite movie lol so this really worked out for me. It really isn't of any great importance to this fic but I had to throw it in there cause like, I love it.**


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